I've had several news organizations reach out to me since Bailey Rios crashed her SUV into an LA Metro bus, killing two people. Until now, I declined to speak other than giving my initial reaction to the New York Post. Other outlets have since repeated or paraphrased things I've said inaccurately without ever speaking to me directly. So I wanted to take some time to process what happened and to make sure that when I did speak, I said it carefully and in my own words.
Bailey Rios is not somebody I knew casually. She's been one of my closest friends for almost 15 years. She stood by me during some of the darkest years of my life. She stayed in contact with me while I was in federal prison. She knew my family. We talked about our lives, our mistakes, recovery, and what we wanted our lives to look like moving forward.
So when I saw what happened in Chatsworth, I was devastated. People may reasonably ask why I'm speaking now instead of when this first happened. The truth is, I needed time to process it. I didn't want to speak from shock, anger, or incomplete information about facts that were still emerging. But before I say anything about Bailey, I want to acknowledge the people who lost their lives, the people who were injured, and the families who are now living with something that can never be undone.
My love for my friend does not diminish what happened to them, and I am not going to try Bailey's criminal case here. I wasn't there. I don't know everything that was happening in her life, and the allegations against her need to be decided in a courtroom.
A Sober Friendship
What I can tell you is that my relationship with Bailey during my recovery has been a sober friendship. I was not using drugs with her. We live in different states. And if there were things happening privately in her life that I didn't know about, that wouldn't surprise me as much today as it once would have — because I know how addiction works. I lived it.
When I was using drugs, I became extremely good at hiding what was happening. I could have a conversation with you, go to work, handle responsibilities, laugh with friends, and you might have absolutely no idea what was really going on. I was high far more often than people around me realized. And when I look at the situation, one thought keeps coming back to me — that could have happened to me.
During the years I was using, there were countless times I made terrible decisions that could have hurt somebody, killed somebody, and destroyed another family's life. I was fortunate that my story didn't end that way.
Prison Was the Reset I Needed
Eventually, federal prison became the heartbreak in my life. Prison didn't cure me. It didn't suddenly make me a different person, but it separated me from the drugs, the people, the routines, and the chaos long enough that I finally had to look honestly at where my life had gone. That reset mattered.
If Bailey is ultimately convicted and incarceration is where this case leads, my hope as her friend is that someday she can use that forced separation to confront whatever was happening in her life and rebuild from it — and in turn use this tragedy to help others. That doesn't erase consequences and it doesn't bring anybody back. An addiction can explain why someone's life reaches a terrible place without excusing the choices that got them there.
That's actually one of the reasons that I started the Federal Toolbox after coming home from federal prison. I talk about addiction, incarceration, consequences, and rebuilding because I've lived all four of them.
Pay Attention to the Signs
There are people watching this right now who have somebody in their family who seems fine, but something feels wrong. Pay attention to that feeling. And there may also be somebody watching who's hiding a drug problem as well as I did. You may think that you still have control over it. I thought I did.
Sometimes the difference between getting another chance and destroying several lives is one decision on one day that you can never take back.
I love Bailey and I'll continue to care about her. And I can say that while also grieving for the people who died and recognizing the enormous suffering the families are experiencing now. Those two things can be true at the same time.