One of the most important things we possess is our dignity and self-respect. In my book, The High Cost, I devote several chapters to my best friend — someone I refer to as Molina Moore. That's not her real name; I use it to protect her privacy, but the initials are the same. The truth is, especially in the drug world, the people who you think are your friends, and who even call themselves your friends, are not really your friends.
The Attorney Who Told Me the Truth
I tell the story in the book about bringing Molina with me to meet my attorney right after I was arrested and released on bond on my federal drug case. She came with me to his office and wanted to wait in the car during my consultation with him. We were doing drugs together almost every day — literally every day — and she hadn't slept in a few days. So she waited in the car, and I went in by myself.
After our two-hour visit, he walked me outside. He put his hands on my shoulders to get my attention and said, "Brad, at the end of the day, you're going to be going to prison for this. It's just a matter of how well we can mitigate it down." He also said, "And Brad, I want to tell you this so you're not blindsided when it happens, but when you do go to prison, you're going to lose 85% of your friends, including that girl in the car."
Well, it turned out he was wrong. It was 90%.
When the Silence Starts
At the time, I didn't mind having all those fake friends. But when I went to prison, she ghosted me after two months. Crickets. Complete silence. I didn't know if she had overdosed or if she was dead or alive, because one of my friends did OD while I was locked up, and that hurt. It hurt bad.
After my release from prison and on my way to the halfway house, I contacted Molina. She acted like nothing ever happened.
She had been such an integral part of the emotional juggernaut during the two and a half years preceding my self-surrender. We spent literally every single day together, especially during the COVID quarantine. So after starting this channel, I wanted to interview her. I thought it would be fascinating to have her come on the show and discuss multiple things on multiple levels, and she agreed.
I told her the entire interview was absolutely contingent on one thing: honesty. I would even use her fictitious name, Molina, and make it audio-only if that would make her feel more comfortable. However, when she heard the word honesty, she said she's out.
Since the whole basis of my channel is authenticity, openness, transparency, and honesty, there was no way I was willing to do a whitewashed interview with some high princess of sobriety when the whole basis of our relationship was based on drugs. That's how I met her. We carried that on for over 10 years until the very day I self-surrendered.
How to Spot a Fake Friend: The Friendship Audit
This episode is about how you can absolutely spot a friend that's fake — foolproof and spot-on. You're close to someone. You share your time, your energy, your daily life, and then without warning, crickets. Complete silence. They're just gone, and you're left standing there entirely confused.
Take a second and picture one specific person in your life right now — someone who consistently leaves you feeling drained or always makes you question your own self-worth. Have their face in your mind. We're going to run a friendship audit.
The reality is that people who don't actually care about you rarely announce it out loud. They show it in quiet, repeated ways that you probably keep excusing. The goal here is to measure that relationship against four behavioral benchmarks. Recognizing these hidden patterns makes it possible to distinguish a genuine connection from a one-sided illusion.
Step 1: The Convenience Test
Look at the exact circumstances under which this person actually shows up in your life. Notice what happens when you're overwhelmed, when you go silent, or simply need reassurance. Their presence is conditional. During those heavy times, they're nowhere to be found.
Contrast that absence with the moments they actively reach out. They appear precisely when they require something from you — whether that's attention, a favor, or emotional comfort. It's a closed loop. As soon as their specific need is completely met, they vanish again.
You find yourself constantly understanding their absence while they never bother to notice yours. True care cannot be clocked in and out based on convenience. Treating a relationship as a transaction means the affection is conditional — and conditional love is not love at all.
Step 2: How They Handle Your Emotions
Think about the last time you opened up and actively shared something raw and difficult with them. Watch their reaction. They typically use deflection tactics — rushing the conversation, abruptly changing the subject, or trying to turn your vulnerability into a joke. They might even make you feel dramatic for feeling deeply.
People who genuinely care will lean in when you expose those emotions. People who don't care actively look for exits. Over time, this dynamic trains you to keep your thoughts to yourself. You slowly adapt by stopping the sharing of your internal world altogether.
Retreating into silence is not a sign of emotional healing. You stop talking because you've learned that opening up around them creates an unsafe environment.
Step 3: The Absence Test
What happens if you proactively pull back or retreat emotionally during isolation? Notice the lack of concern. No questions, not a single check-in. Yet the moment your availability is restored, they step right back in as if nothing happened.
That realization is painful. A deliberate silence meant to test the strength of the bond went completely unfelt on their end. When your absence goes entirely unnoticed, it confirms the harsh truth: this relationship is built strictly on your utility, not your intrinsic value.
Step 4: Assess Your Baseline Security
How solid do you actually feel about your standing in this friendship on a daily basis? If you're constantly overthinking their tone, lacking reassurance, and adjusting your behavior to stay connected, you're doing the exhausting work of maintaining a bond they're not protecting.
It's degrading to feel like just another face in a crowd, having to constantly jump up to be visible and compete for basic attention. Contrast this constant anxiety with the foundational safety that true care provides. Genuine connections make you feel chosen without requiring you to overthink where you stand.
If you have to compete for basic respect, you're inherently viewed as a replaceable asset rather than a cherished friend.
What the Audit Reveals
Look at the results of the audit. Apply those four tests to the person you pictured earlier and see if they failed. This is where most people get stuck. We tend to believe that because a person is not overly cruel to us, they must secretly care.
People who don't care about you are often just consistent in their indifference. And over time, that passive ignoring is just as destructive as active harm. Continuing to wait for tiny proof of care forces you to actively ignore the overwhelming daily evidence of their indifference.
Expecting basic respect is reasonable, but you may be asking it of the wrong person. Stop chasing care that isn't there and move away from the relationship that drains you. Abandoning consistently indifferent relationships is difficult, but it's mandatory. When you stop tolerating indifference, you make space for genuine love that actually stays.
A Message to Anyone Recently Released From Prison
Before I end this episode, I want to talk directly to anybody who's been recently released from prison who feels forgotten.
Maybe people promised they would write you. They said they would answer every call, put money on your books, visit, and be waiting when you came home. Then the calls stopped. The letters never came, and people you thought were your friends simply disappeared.
I know how painful that can be. Prison already takes away your freedom, your privacy, and your connection to the outside world. When someone abandons you on top of that, it can feel like confirmation that you no longer matter.
But listen to me: their disappearance may be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Prison didn't necessarily cause you to lose those friendships. Prison exposed what those friendships really were.
Who Only Liked You When You Were Useful
Some people only liked you when you were useful — when you had money, connections, drugs, a place to stay, or something exciting happening around you. The moment the relationship required effort, sacrifice, or inconvenience, it vanished. That hurts. But it's also valuable information. You're finding out who belongs in the next chapter of your life before you get there.
Don't waste your sentence chasing people who have already shown you that they're indifferent. Don't beg for calls, letters, attention, or loyalty. Protect your dignity. Use this time to rebuild yourself instead.
Pay Attention to Who Remains
Pay attention to the people who do remain. The person who writes consistently. The family member who accepts the calls. The friend who checks on you when there's nothing in it for them. Those are your people.
Losing fake friends is not rejection. It's removal. It's life clearing space around you so that when you come home, you can build something more honest. You may leave prison with fewer friends, but for the first time in your life, they may actually be real.